Profiles In Courage
by Pretty.Little.Liars
Summary: Profiles in courage, or lack thereof. ---- A late piece for the holidays. Rating for one swear word.


**Title:** Profiles In Courage  
**Author:** Ugly.Beautiful  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Rating:** T for one swear word  
**Pairing:** None  
**Spoilers:** Some Shippuden ranks among the once-upon-a-time genin.  
**Summary:** Or lack thereof.  
**Word Count: **1,538  
**Warnings:** This is my ill attempt at being funny. I think that it did not work so well.

**Disclaimer:** Nope! Not mine!

* * *

"Why didn't we stay in Sand for Christmas?" Gaara asked himself rhetorically. Of course, he knew why they were here. He was the Kazekage. He had to spend time with the other leaders. Apparently, Temari took this to mean, "Spend Christmas in Konoha."

"I hate it here," he mumbled. No one would have recognized the terrifying Subaka no Gaara, who struck fear even into the hearts of jounin, as he sat on a windowsill, huddled in a blanket. His green, black-rimmed eyes glanced out the window at the gently falling snow. As a drop hit the window, he glared harder.

Well it wasn't _his_ fault snow was wet! It wasn't _his_ fault when it touched him it made his sand barrier slide off oddly until he looked like some cheesy monster from a third-rate horror movie! It wasn't _his_ fault he just hated water!

"Gaara, stop glaring at our window," Kankuro said as he trudged out of the room. As he grabbed a key off the counter he yelled over his shoulder, "Goin' to find me a date!"

Whistling merrily to himself, the puppet wielder walked outside, sure he'd find a date for Tsunade's Christmas… thing. _There_ was a fine choice! "Hello there," he drawled to the beautiful girl.

She gave him an odd look. "Hello…"

"You look like my next date," he said, sliding an arm around her.

"And you look like my next restraining order," she answered, stomping on his foot and walking away.

"Feisty," he managed around the pain in his foot. Forgetting about his foot as he spotted another pretty girl, he tried again. "Hello beautiful."

"Goodbye weirdo."

Kankuro watched her walk away. Now he was getting frustrated. _Oh well, third time's the charm right?_ "Hi there!"

The girl took one look at him and blanched. "Ew."

Bottom lip beginning to quiver in a display of overdramatic-ness, Kankuro cried out, "Why Kami? Why me?" Spinning around, he slammed right into a steaming Temari.

"Watch where you're going, little brother," she spat out, before marching away with storm clouds following.

_Where the hell is he?! I _told_ him I was coming to visit!_ Temari fumed as she stomped around Konoha. _He can't even meet me at the gate? What kind of ill-mannered boy- Ugh!_

"SHIKAMARU!"

"Achoo!"

"So troublesome. At least I have the day off for Christmas. But it's too troublesome to watch clouds in the snow."

"Shikamaru!"

"Shizune?" He asked as he turned around. "Nani?"

"We're short staffed today, Tsunade-sama needs you to work."

Brown eyes widened. "W-work? On a h-holiday? Mah, so troublesome." Before Shizune knew what happened, Shikamaru had bolted.

On his mad rush away from physical labor, Shikamaru bumped into someone walking through town as they talked on their cell phone.

"Gomen," they both muttered.

"Was that Shikamaru?" Chouji asked aloud, staring at the retreating back of the bolting figure. Yapping on the phone made him place it back to his ear. "What? Sorry. No, I haven't made a New Years resolution yet."

He sighed. His least favorite time of the year. New Years. If one more person asked if he was going to diet for New Years he would- well, he didn't know yet.

"What? No Ino! Stop asking!"

"Well sorry Chouji, I'm just trying to look out for you."

"Well I like the way I am. Look, I gotta go find Shikamaru, okay?"

"Alright Chouji, see you later."

"See ya."

After she hung up the phone Ino threw it at her wall, denting the pale yellow paint.

"Ugh!" She screamed at her reflection. Her hair was a wreck, sticking all over the place with a comb broken and stuck in one side. "I can't go outside like this! What will people say? Sasuke will hate me!" She gasped. "Forehead will have a field day if she sees me like this. Hmmm, I wonder what ol' billboard brow is doing today…"

"I wonder how Ino-pig is doing," Sakura wondered as she wandered through Konoha's marketplace. "She's usually out bothering Sasuke, I haven't seen her all day." She huffed and flipped a piece of her hair over her shoulder. "No matter, today's the day Sasuke will say yes to me!"

Just thinking about the brooding, dark-haired Uchiha made Sakura flush and caused her heart to beat erratically.

She took a deep breath. It wasn't a big deal. She could do this. She could ask him out. She could totally do this. She could _so_ do-

WHOOSH!

"Huh?" Sakura paused her mental pep-rally as a dark blue blur whizzed by her. "Sasuke?" As she was turning around to see if it really _was_ him, she barely had time to scream as a herd of stampeding fangirls trampled her.

Sasuke tried very hard to keep from screaming in frustration as the number of fangirls seemed to grow. He hated Christmas. They got so bold during the holiday season. Over half of them were carrying large presents, declarations of their "love." Ooohhh… if only he could blast the whole lot with one big Chidori. That'd be the best Christmas present ever.

"Holy shit!" He cried as one of them threw their sparkly wrapped gift at his head. He ducked around a corner by the ramen stand and bolted.

Naruto, in his usually obliviousness nature, didn't even notice someone rush by him, followed by a few dozen love-crazed fangirls. He was too busy staring at the sign in front of him.

"CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS"

"Why?" He cried dramatically for the hundredth time in the past hour. "_Now_ what am I supposed to eat?"

"H-hello, N-N-N- Naruto."

"Huh? Oh! Hey Hinata! If you came for some ramen, they're closed," he stared at the sign sadly again.

"N-N-No, I j-just-"

"Oi, hey look!" Naruto broke in, pointing up. "Mistletoe."

Hinata's face blushed scarlet. "M-M-Mistletoe?"

"Yup! Sooooo, Hinata," he said, waggling his eyebrows in a flirtatious manner he had picked up from Jiraiya. "Would you like a kiss?"

"A k- k- k- kiss…" After her face became even redder, she swooned and fell over in a dead faint.

Blue eyes widened. "Oi! Hinata! _Hinata_!"

"What happened?"

"Oh! Shino! Hinata just fell over. I don't know-"

"Naruto?" Stepping our from the ramen shop, Ayame regarded them as she started spraying something around the outside of the store.

"Ayame! Hinata just fell over and Shino's going to- Shino?"

Looking over at the Aburame, Naruto was shocked to see him teetering there unsteadily.

"What did you spray, Ayame?"

Looking from Shino to the can, Ayame said, "Bug spray. There was some moths around her earlier and I just though- Gomen, I didn't-"

"Shino! Oi Shino!" Naruto cried as the bug-user wandered off very unstably.

All Shino could see were swirls and the pretty yellow birds dancing around his head. He barely noticed as someone shoved him down, sending his glasses askew.

Kiba tried to catch his balance as he ran into someone. He was in too much of a hurry to even apologize as he crashed through the streets, sending terrified glances over his shoulder.

"I can't believe I'm going to die like this," he muttered, looking over his shoulder again. "AAAIIIEEE!!!" He screamed as his attacker leapt at his face, claws outstretched, throwing him backwards into one of Konoha's training fields. "Get off you stupid cat!" He yelled, trying to get the feline off his face. He screamed again as he tripped over a sobbing Lee and fell into the bushes.

"GAI-SENSEI!!" The distraught green beast cried from where he sat on the ground in the middle of the training field. How could he do this to him? Gai promised they would run a thousand laps around the village today. And then he decided to go on some _date_!

"Gai-sensei!" He cried again, tears streaming down his face as he mourned at the sky. "The flames of youth-"

"So you want to do the usual routine?"

"Yes, that will be… fine…"

"Neji? What's- oh." Tenten finished her own question as he eyes fell on the sobbing and youth-ranting Lee. Her expression soon mirrored Neji's own horrified one. The two slowly started to back away, but it was too late.

"Tenten! Neji!" Lee cried, leaping to his feet, tears already forgotten. "Would you like to train in the pursuit of youth?"

Neji and Tenten glanced at each other. "Run," they said at the same time.

"Ah, a test of youth!" Lee cried, before bolting off after them.

Neji and Tenten led the mad rush away from their bipolar, Gai-deprived, youth-obsessed teammate all the way back to the streets of Konoha.

"Where's the last place Lee would be right now?" Neji asked.

"Don't know," Tenten panted. "Tsunade-sama's maybe."

"Let's go then," he said, and they doubled their speed.

Kakashi laughed to himself as two blurs raced by, followed by a happily chattering green one. Kids these days. Didn't they know the only was to enjoy the holiday was with the latest Icha Icha book?

He turned back to the bookstore he had been planning on walking in before the trio whizzed by, only to slam face-first into the door.

"Itai," he muttered, glancing up to see what the problem was. And he came face-to-face with his worst nightmare.

"CLOSED FOR HOLIDAYS"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

* * *

**A/N:** Let me firstly say, I'm not making fun of anyone. I love almost everyone in this whole show. But Gaara has a SAND barrier. Sand turns to mud in water. Snow is made of water. Get it? Kankuro kinda seemed like player to me, and I doubt he'd take his face paint off for a diplomatic trip so how many people would say yes to that? (Besides those of us who are Kankuro fangirls.) I just think it'd be funny to see Ino with her hair totally frizzed out. That'd be a mess. I still love her though. I don't know a lot about Shino, so he got bug spray. Kiba is a dog, no explanation needed for why I did that. Lee (though I love him insanely) is sometimes helpless without Gai. As for Neji and Tenten… wouldn't you be scared of a hyper, attention-deprived Lee? I love him to death and I'd be terrified. And poor Kakashi. No porn for the holidays. XP 


End file.
